You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
