Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
