Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize