There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
