Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
