Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
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so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
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Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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