i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
