I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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