I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
