someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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