i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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