Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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