i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
