Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
