Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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