Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.