Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
