I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
