I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA