You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.