apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.