none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight