I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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