I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
