I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
