By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
