So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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