As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
