Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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