it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Randomize
