Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
