Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
