He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
