they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
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He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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