that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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