Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish I only lived at night.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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