Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
