Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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