i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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