Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
