Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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