I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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