after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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