And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
