She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
