Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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