Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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