taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
