It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
