My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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