Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
