I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
