May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
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