He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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