what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
