I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
organizing the empties. That sober.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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