Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
