Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
