I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
