Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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