I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
