It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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