yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
