The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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