Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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