just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
