Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
