i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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