Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you inspire me to be a worse person
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
