it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
