Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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