woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
