too bad you live with your parents still
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
