We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
